Dear Razi: A Letter to My Daughter and Myself

Dear Raziel,

In 2020, I found out I was pregnant. I was thinking about the small life inside me while I was considering the bigness of life all around me. The world was shutting down due to the pandemic, but my mind was opening up in amazing new ways. I dedicated myself to asking deep questions and searching for their answers like, What is our purpose as human beings? Who protects us? Who are we supposed to be protecting? 

These questions led me to reading stories of ethereal beings, and I found your namesake then, Raziel. Your name belongs to the Angel of Secrets, who understands the mysteries of the Universe and sees its beauty in a way that others can’t.

Now you are a pretty, round-cheeked toddler, and I spend my days chasing you and trying to keep you from hurting yourself. I think about your grandma Gam Gam chasing after me when I was little. Times were different then, and what she wanted for me was pretty simple: safety and enough money.

Gam Gam’s desires for me are still simple. She wants me to have money but not become materialistic. She wants me to go through life with a partner. She wants me to come to her when I really need her. And her desires make sense. After all, when she was a young mom, survival was the name of the game.

But now, little Razi, we are moving beyond survival.

When I was a little girl, I noticed things that other people didn’t seem to. I remember being just seven years old, watching my friend cry and wondering why she didn’t go home and talk to her momma. It looked to me like she needed to hide her tears and sadness. I noticed when people were sad, stressed, and discontent — and I absorbed those feelings. Gam Gam said I was nosy, but I think I was an investigator of emotions.

I hope you, too, will be an investigator striving to understand how other people function. That kind of awareness about others will help you move through the world with grace and strength. But you can’t understand how others function if you don’t have the opportunity and support to understand yourself. Here, then, little one is what I am committed to offering you — 10 now-and-forever truths to hold in your heart. 

You can always:

• Accept that you are worthy of goodness in your life.
• Disagree with me, as then we have an opportunity to learn from each other.
• Take ownership of your mistakes — but be kind to yourself. You can have self-compassion while also taking responsibility for your mistakes.
• Never worry about my perceptions of you. There is nothing you can do that will change how I feel about you.
• Be proud of being who you are, especially if you are the only one who looks like you in the room. You are exactly how and who you’re supposed to be.
• Honor feelings of anger when you’ve been discriminated against or misunderstood. Cry, scream, and release! You will never feel okay about this happening to you. But you need to understand that many people have unhealthy beliefs and false perceptions. May that truth help you process any pain.
• Always value and protect yourself — your mind, your ideas, and your peace.
• Change your mind when you feel differently. That is the only reason you ever need.
• Have an unshakable level of self-knowledge and self-acceptance. Be loud, bold, and honest! The winds can blow (and they will), but you can stand firm in who you are.
• Be certain that you are exactly what the world needs and you are exactly what our family needs.

My great hope is that you will embody these truths and pass them on. I realize, though, that these things that are true for you must also be true for me. Gam Gam may not be able to give me the words I want to hear, but I can offer them to myself.

 

"I hope you, too, will be an investigator striving to understand how other people function. That kind of awareness about others will help you move through the world with grace and strength."

- Char Buggs

You and I must grow side by side. So,

• May I also accept that I am worthy of goodness in my life.
• May I also learn from Gam Gam when we disagree.
• May I also take ownership of my mistakes and treat myself with compassion.
• May I also never worry about Gam Gam’s perceptions of me and trust there is nothing I can do to change her love for me.
• May I also feel free to disagree with Gam Gam.
• May I also be proud of who I am because I am exactly how and who I am supposed to be.
• May I also honor my anger that arises from discrimination and misunderstanding and find comfort in the truths I know.
• May I also protect my mind, ideas, and peace.
• May I also freely change my mind.
• May I also be certain I am what this world needs — and what our family needs.

You and I, little Razi, are here to move beyond survival, into investigation, into the beauty of understanding others — and understanding ourselves.

I love you.

Momma

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